Spark: A Creative Anthology (vol. II) is now available, featuring my story “Ultimate Grand Supreme Super Sexy Baby.” It’s a sort of dark take on Toddlers & Tiaras. Here’s an excerpt:
Mothers and aunts, they were all hovering over some little girl sob-coughing in a too-small hotel suite, saying, “You’re going to be so beautiful, darlin’,” delivering curling iron burns and spraying, stealing the air out of the room.
Applying more glue. Applying glamour.
Singe. Pull. Glue and spray.
Every pageant mom knows you always do the hair before the makeup. Top-to-bottom. “Otherwise, first blister-burn they get and it’s Niagara Falls,” they’ll tell you. “All that makeup turns to mud.”
These preparations seem to matter little now considering the reputation of Alaska Scott and all that precedes her: the cash and crowns and all those magazine covers—most notably, the December issue of Pageantry Monthly, featuring an article in which she’s aptly described as “too perfect to be normal.”
It makes these moms wonder if she’s ever complained about those common pre-show afflictions, the scalp-bubbles and respiratory problems from sucking in all those airborne polymers—if she’s humanly capable of throwing a “royal shit-fit,” as they call it. While these other princesses pick at their hair scabs and scuff shoes, Alaska effortlessly carries five pounds of lustrous Texas curls, stacked sky-high like tiers of wedding cake. Neck straight and posture perfect. She’s smiling, pacing heel-to-toe in enamel Mary Janes with her mother looming close behind.
Madison Scott escorts her daughter through the center aisle of the convention hall, dripping diamonds from her ears and wrist. Her neck. Real gold and gemstones draping fake tits, the adverse of these other moms with their Silpada pseudo-regalia on double-D floppers. Madison perches a spray-tanned hand on Alaska’s shoulder, steering her through the crowd of white trash mommies and grandparents hooked up to portable oxygen tanks. Past the drunken dads in the audience babysitting diaper bags and faux designer purses. These matriarchs watch their doom parade by in the form of a five-year-old blue-eyed angel that is Alaska Scott, always smiling and posing—even when she’s off-stage. The pair approach the registry, checking in with the pageant director with only moments to spare.
The entire anthology is over twenty pieces, consisting of fiction and poetry from a mixture of new and established talent. You can check out the ebook format by going HERE. Or, you can check out the print edition by going HERE.
To get 50% off, simply enter the coupon code V2-TIETZ-FRIENDS during checkout. Make sure to share and keep spreading the word.
A big thanks to Brian Lewis for putting this all together and letting me be apart of it.