Why Everyone (Especially Writers) Hates E.L. James

She writes fan fiction:

The cover band is never better than the original. This is the first chink in the armor when it comes to discussing E.L. James as an author. It’s no big secret that Fifty Shades of Grey and its subsequent sequels started off as Twilight fan fiction, although a hyper-sexualized/BDSM version of Edward and Bella. James took characters that didn’t belong to her and twisted them just enough so there wasn’t any legal recourse. Her big break manifested via the groundwork laid down by another author, hence, why she’s not respected by her industry peers or readers of a more refined palette.

She’s a shitty writer:

This isn’t a matter of opinion or taste. E.L. James is a bad writer. Not just bad. Atrocious. From her poorly written prose to the cliché drivel she’s passing off as dialogue, James has made a name for herself as one of the worst mainstream writers working today. “How bad?” you may ask. Allow me to share some quotes:

“I’m going to make you come like a freight train, baby.”

How exactly does a freight train come? That’s the question society should be asking.

One thrust and I’m inside her. F.U.C.K.

Totes erotic, dude.

Lifting my hips, I grab my cock. “I want you to become well acquainted, on first-name terms, if you will, with my favorite and most cherished part of my body. I’m very attached to this.”

Most men are attached to their dicks. And am I to believe Christian named his penis? I hope it’s something jaunty…like D’Artagnan.

“You beguile me, Christian. Completely overwhelm me. I feel like Icarus, flying too close to the sun.”

So Ana’s relationship is an act of hubris? Or did James simply use this for the fun imagery?

“Are you hungry?”
“Not for food,” she teases.
Whoa. She might as well be addressing my groin.

Wow, James is really at another level here. She effortlessly manages to capture the internal monologue of a sex-crazed playboy.

This woman has me tied up in knots.
Ironic, Grey.

Get it, guys? The two meanings? Okay, I’ll explain it. He means knots in like, y’know, the emotional way, but it’s ironic because of all the BDSM stuff he does to her. See? Cool, right?

Her words travel directly to my dick, passing “Go” on the way.

Everyone loves a good Monopoly reference in their erotica.

Her sharp intake of breath is music to my dick.

A best-selling millionaire author wrote this, guys. Editors at a major publishing house read this line and said, “This is gold! Take it to print!”

She’s a shitty fan fiction author that also promotes abuse:

Say what you will about Meyer’s sparkly, emo vampires. James gave us something so much worse in Christian Grey: an abusive, stalking, super rape-y, controlling dickhead who gets his rocks off by beating and dominating women. Then James sets feminism back a few decades by giving us Anastasia Steele, the woman who goes along with Grey’s horseshit for reasons that are poorly explained. This more or less goes back to James being a shitty writer. You can’t really get on board with Grey because he’s a woman-beater, and you can’t root for Ana to be with him because it’s not cool or sexy to beat women. While reading this, you’ll never feel sold on this relationship or the BDSM lifestyle itself. What you will be sold on is an author who wanted to pen an abusive tale using Twilight characters as her framework.

Despite her terribleness, she got rich:

To recap, James wrote a shitty, abuse-promoting Twilight adaptation and somehow turned it into millions. Around $80,000,000 is what’s being reported as her current net worth. That’s the real knife in the heart: the fact that you can ape someone’s material and do such a sub-par job in the execution…however, people are still buying the shit. What’s next? A dumbed down XXX version of The Hunger Games? The Martian? What bestseller can we recycle and pervert next? If James can do it, anyone can.

James is rebooting her own work a mere four years later:

You’d think after the smashing success of the Fifty Shades trilogy (est. 2011) and the film adaptation that James would take a break from that world and attempt something completely new—but no. No. Instead, she went right back to the fucking well, and now we’re being treated to an all new Fifty Shades trilogy, only now (gasp!) it’s from Christian’s point of view. An obvious and lazy cash-grab, but yet again, people are still buying it.

Not only is James rebooting, she’s mirroring Meyer again:

Who wore it best?











If you fall into the pro-James camp and enjoy what she does, good for you…but when you’re playing around on the Interwebs and wondering why there are so many so-called “haters,” these are more or less the reasons. I think everyone would have been perfectly fine if she had remained an obscure tribute author; it’s the fact that she spun her shitterature into gold that put a huge stick into the proverbial craw. Add to that poor quality of writing and how she’s currently rebooting a project that there’s no need to reboot–it’s obvious why James draws so much ire from authors and seasoned readers alike.

So please…go read better books.