Category Archives: Vanity

2015 Preview; 366/Vanity

2015 Preview:

2014 was a release year. That meant readings, promoting, book clubs, trying to get reviews, and just generally anything I could do to increase awareness of Good Sex, Great Prayers.

2015 is a write and sell year. Two projects are currently in the works.

366:

In 2008 I came out with Out of Touch through iUniverse (a vanity press). After an offer from Otherworld Publications to put out the book in a second edition, I cancelled my iUniverse contract and went with them. Not long after the second edition release, Otherworld Publications closed its doors. That meant that no more copies were going to be produced and I officially wasn’t making any royalties on that book anymore. I actually have no fucking clue where the money goes if you buy a copy on Amazon (there’s less than twenty available).

Here’s the thing: I put years into that book, so the last thing I’m going to do is let it rot in “out of print” status. Having said that, I’m completely aware that simply slapping a new cover on this thing and putting it out in the world again will probably not equate to huge sales numbers. That is more or less what happened when I took OOT from iUniverse to Otherworld. They were a start-up press. There was no huge marketing push or major reviews done. Their idea of marketing was for me to leave copies at dentist offices and Jiffy Lube waiting rooms. The principle difference between the two houses is that I was getting less of a royalty cut in order to call myself “traditionally published.”

Recently, a friend and colleague of mine, Fred Venturini, came out with the novel The Heart Does Not Grow Back through Picador. What a lot of people don’t know is that that book originally came out through a small press under the title The Samaritan a couple years previous. Fred took a good book, reworked it, and re-released it through a major publishing house.

Continue reading “2015 Preview; 366/Vanity” »

“Ultimate Grand Supreme Super Sexy Baby” is now available as part of the Spark Anthology, and you can get it for 50% OFF (limited time)

Spark: A Creative Anthology (vol. II) is now available, featuring my story “Ultimate Grand Supreme Super Sexy Baby.” It’s a sort of dark take on Toddlers & Tiaras. Here’s an excerpt:

            Mothers and aunts, they were all hovering over some little girl sob-coughing in a too-small hotel suite, saying, “You’re going to be so beautiful, darlin’,” delivering curling iron burns and spraying, stealing the air out of the room.

Applying more glue.  Applying glamour.

Singe.  Pull.  Glue and spray.

Every pageant mom knows you always do the hair before the makeup.  Top-to-bottom.  “Otherwise, first blister-burn they get and it’s Niagara Falls,” they’ll tell you.  “All that makeup turns to mud.”

These preparations seem to matter little now considering the reputation of Alaska Scott and all that precedes her: the cash and crowns and all those magazine covers—most notably, the December issue of Pageantry Monthly, featuring an article in which she’s aptly described as “too perfect to be normal.”

It makes these moms wonder if she’s ever complained about those common pre-show afflictions, the scalp-bubbles and respiratory problems from sucking in all those airborne polymers—if she’s humanly capable of throwing a “royal shit-fit,” as they call it.  While these other princesses pick at their hair scabs and scuff shoes, Alaska effortlessly carries five pounds of lustrous Texas curls, stacked sky-high like tiers of wedding cake.  Neck straight and posture perfect.  She’s smiling, pacing heel-to-toe in enamel Mary Janes with her mother looming close behind.

Madison Scott escorts her daughter through the center aisle of the convention hall, dripping diamonds from her ears and wrist.  Her neck.  Real gold and gemstones draping fake tits, the adverse of these other moms with their Silpada pseudo-regalia on double-D floppers.  Madison perches a spray-tanned hand on Alaska’s shoulder, steering her through the crowd of white trash mommies and grandparents hooked up to portable oxygen tanks.  Past the drunken dads in the audience babysitting diaper bags and faux designer purses.  These matriarchs watch their doom parade by in the form of a five-year-old blue-eyed angel that is Alaska Scott, always smiling and posing—even when she’s off-stage.  The pair approach the registry, checking in with the pageant director with only moments to spare.

Spark coverThe entire anthology is over twenty pieces, consisting of fiction and poetry from a mixture of new and established talent. You can check out the ebook format by going HERE. Or, you can check out the print edition by going HERE.

To get 50% off, simply enter the coupon code V2-TIETZ-FRIENDS during checkout. Make sure to share and keep spreading the word.

A big thanks to Brian Lewis for putting this all together and letting me be apart of it.

“The Fashion of the Christ” is now live on Amazon

Fashion of the Christ cover picThe Fashion of the Christ is now live over at Amazon!! Buy it for 99 cents by clicking HERE!!

Lending is enabled and Amazon Prime members may read for free.

Here’s an excerpt:

           Heads of congregations, although attentive to their new flock in search of council, saw the laws of supply and demand at play.  Churches became more business-minded.  Exploitation, some claimed, as collection plates were no longer optional and altar boys began stationing themselves just outside the main entrances to collect a cover charge of $10 or $20 per person.  $50 on Sundays, $200 to sit in the first row of pews, and at more forgiving churches, a “kids worship free” policy.  The only thing higher than attendance was revenues, and so new concepts of VIP seating and Fast Pass saw their inception into a religious context.  Catholic churches began charging for confessional booths like phone sex; $5.99 per minute to repent to “our most gracious Lord” so that “he may forgive me and restore my Internet.”

            “Please,” they’d say, “grant me reprieve for my transgressions and bring back Dancing With the Stars.”

            “Allow me passage into thine kingdom and a way to check my Gmail account.”

If you read and enjoyed the story–by all means–please share. You can help spread the word by tweeting, posting to Facebook, reviewing on Amazon, sharing your favorite quotes, etc. Feel free to hit me back in the comments section on your thoughts.