Monthly Archives: July 2013

Books & Booze Reading in St. Louis

BT on stageOn June 22nd I had a reading in St. Louis which was put on by the Books & Booze crew. It was a good time…finally got to meet Jessica, Renee, and Dakota along with some authors that I had only previously known through the Internet. It was also my first time reading live from Good Sex, Great Prayers and the revamped version of Out of Touch coming out through Perfect Edge. For those of you that bought Out of Touch at the show, you’ve probably noticed by now that the piece I read isn’t in the actual book. All in due time.

Books & Booze has since put up a preview recording which you can check out HERE. I’m being told that a full-length video is in the works, but for now, this should give you an idea of what went down at the show. Below is a timestamped legend of the reading, complete with hyperlinks to each author’s Amazon page.

Fred Venturini: 00:00 – 15:00

Salvatore Pane: 15:00 – 25:20

J. David Osborne: 25:20 – 34:15

David James Keaton: 34:15 – 55:50

Gordon Highland: 55:50 – 1:11:55

Brandon Tietz: 1:11:55 – end

For pictures from the event, click HERE.

“Ultimate Grand Supreme Super Sexy Baby” is now available as part of the Spark Anthology, and you can get it for 50% OFF (limited time)

Spark: A Creative Anthology (vol. II) is now available, featuring my story “Ultimate Grand Supreme Super Sexy Baby.” It’s a sort of dark take on Toddlers & Tiaras. Here’s an excerpt:

            Mothers and aunts, they were all hovering over some little girl sob-coughing in a too-small hotel suite, saying, “You’re going to be so beautiful, darlin’,” delivering curling iron burns and spraying, stealing the air out of the room.

Applying more glue.  Applying glamour.

Singe.  Pull.  Glue and spray.

Every pageant mom knows you always do the hair before the makeup.  Top-to-bottom.  “Otherwise, first blister-burn they get and it’s Niagara Falls,” they’ll tell you.  “All that makeup turns to mud.”

These preparations seem to matter little now considering the reputation of Alaska Scott and all that precedes her: the cash and crowns and all those magazine covers—most notably, the December issue of Pageantry Monthly, featuring an article in which she’s aptly described as “too perfect to be normal.”

It makes these moms wonder if she’s ever complained about those common pre-show afflictions, the scalp-bubbles and respiratory problems from sucking in all those airborne polymers—if she’s humanly capable of throwing a “royal shit-fit,” as they call it.  While these other princesses pick at their hair scabs and scuff shoes, Alaska effortlessly carries five pounds of lustrous Texas curls, stacked sky-high like tiers of wedding cake.  Neck straight and posture perfect.  She’s smiling, pacing heel-to-toe in enamel Mary Janes with her mother looming close behind.

Madison Scott escorts her daughter through the center aisle of the convention hall, dripping diamonds from her ears and wrist.  Her neck.  Real gold and gemstones draping fake tits, the adverse of these other moms with their Silpada pseudo-regalia on double-D floppers.  Madison perches a spray-tanned hand on Alaska’s shoulder, steering her through the crowd of white trash mommies and grandparents hooked up to portable oxygen tanks.  Past the drunken dads in the audience babysitting diaper bags and faux designer purses.  These matriarchs watch their doom parade by in the form of a five-year-old blue-eyed angel that is Alaska Scott, always smiling and posing—even when she’s off-stage.  The pair approach the registry, checking in with the pageant director with only moments to spare.

Spark coverThe entire anthology is over twenty pieces, consisting of fiction and poetry from a mixture of new and established talent. You can check out the ebook format by going HERE. Or, you can check out the print edition by going HERE.

To get 50% off, simply enter the coupon code V2-TIETZ-FRIENDS during checkout. Make sure to share and keep spreading the word.

A big thanks to Brian Lewis for putting this all together and letting me be apart of it.

Autographed 2nd Editions of “Out of Touch” on SALE Now!!

OOT sale picWhen Otherworld Publications shut its doors, they sent me a couple boxes of all the leftover stock–and even after the St. Louis reading–I still have some stock left…about twenty copies or so, and they’re all in new to very good condition.

I’m selling the remaining copies of Out of Touch for a flat rate of $15, and that’s going to include the shipping.

Payments will be done via PayPal, so you’ll have to send me an email address in which to request payment from. You can message me that by going to my Facebook page.

Once payment has been received, I’ll sign your book and ship it out to you. Let me know if you want it to say something specific, otherwise, I’ll make something up. Again, I only have a limited supply, so act sooner rather than later.

Unfortunately, this offer is only valid for those residing in the U.S. International orders cost too damn much to ship. 

Still not sure? Read the first chapter in PDF: Session 01

“The Fashion of the Christ” is now live on Amazon

Fashion of the Christ cover picThe Fashion of the Christ is now live over at Amazon!! Buy it for 99 cents by clicking HERE!!

Lending is enabled and Amazon Prime members may read for free.

Here’s an excerpt:

           Heads of congregations, although attentive to their new flock in search of council, saw the laws of supply and demand at play.  Churches became more business-minded.  Exploitation, some claimed, as collection plates were no longer optional and altar boys began stationing themselves just outside the main entrances to collect a cover charge of $10 or $20 per person.  $50 on Sundays, $200 to sit in the first row of pews, and at more forgiving churches, a “kids worship free” policy.  The only thing higher than attendance was revenues, and so new concepts of VIP seating and Fast Pass saw their inception into a religious context.  Catholic churches began charging for confessional booths like phone sex; $5.99 per minute to repent to “our most gracious Lord” so that “he may forgive me and restore my Internet.”

            “Please,” they’d say, “grant me reprieve for my transgressions and bring back Dancing With the Stars.”

            “Allow me passage into thine kingdom and a way to check my Gmail account.”

If you read and enjoyed the story–by all means–please share. You can help spread the word by tweeting, posting to Facebook, reviewing on Amazon, sharing your favorite quotes, etc. Feel free to hit me back in the comments section on your thoughts.